There’s a misconception about finding Christian community that might be holding you back from finding yours.
In this blog post, we’ll break down the barrier that holds us back from finding Christian community and we’ll talk about how you can start growing yours today. Plus, you’ll discover some creative ways to meet Christian sisters.
We know with certainty that God wants Christians to find community.
The Lord’s plan for members of the church is not to be scattered and isolated from each other. All throughout the New Testament, we see Christians gathering together to worship, encourage one another, and break bread together.
“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.” Acts 2:42-47 ESV
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
As New Testament Christians today, we should long for these sorts of relationships with fellow Christians.
If we haven’t found a community like this, it might be a sign that we’re struggling with this misconception: Community doesn’t happen to us. Community happens when we take action to create it.
Unless the local church congregation literally meets in your home, you’re going to have to go find a Christian community to be part of.
Said another way, if we want to go fishing, we have to go where the fish are.
It’s not always easy to put ourselves out there. This is why prayer is so important.
There is power in persistent prayer.
Jesus teaches in Matthew 7:7-8, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.”
Wayne Jackson writes in his New Testament commentary, “Divine responses will come according to God’s calendar—not necessarily ours!”
It may take more time than we think to find the community we long for. We must be persistent with our prayers and trust that God will answer us in His own timing. He will answer us if we pray to him in faith, as James says (James 1:6-8).
Praying to God and trusting Him to answer us doesn’t mean that we are sitting back and doing nothing.
We still have the responsibility to go out and find community.
The best way we can find community is to be part of a local body of believers.
We need to be part of a church family. It’s one thing to go to church. It’s another to be part of it.
A quick in-and-out of church service for one hour on Sunday mornings is not a recipe for community. If we want to be part of the church family, we have to do what families do.
Families spend quality time together. Families celebrate special occasions together. They take interest in each other, have meaningful conversations, and share their lives with each other.
Believe me, as an introvert, I know how hard it can be to open up and share intimacy with others. But what relationships do we risk missing if we don’t make time to open up to others?
Whether you struggle with the courage to open up about yourself or you struggle with making the time, ask yourself, what small step can I take today that will help me take root in this community?
What action can you take right now to grow a relationship with someone in your church family?
By the way, let me know in the comments: are you introverted, like me, or extroverted? And how do you think this impacts your ability to find community?
True Christian Community Takes Root in Service, Not in Being Served.
When we are part of a church family, we’ll discover opportunities to serve. In fact, we should be actively looking for opportunities to serve!
God doesn’t teach us to expect to be served. In fact, if we want to be Christlike, then we should follow Christ’s example in John 13.
Before Jesus and his disciples sat down to have the Passover before the Savior’s death, Jesus took the opportunity to be a servant.
“Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” John 13:3-5
Even when looking ahead to the cross, Jesus didn’t sit in the corner and focus on himself. He looked for a chance to serve his disciples. His actions prove the statement he made in Mark 10:45: “For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
If we want to be Christlike, then we must look for opportunities to serve. If we focus on being a humble servant like Jesus was, then the Lord will reward us in eternity—and that will be worth it!
How can you serve your community?
With the varying responsibilities the Lord gives us—jobs, husbands, children—our opportunities to serve may look different compared to others.
I have a remarkable friend who is currently single and she is able to use her time to travel and present Ladies’ Days. I’m so inspired by that!
For me, as a mom to a very young toddler, traveling to speak seems far out of reach. However, I’m able to serve in other ways, like by hosting Zoom calls inside our membership so that Christian women can gather and find encouragement.
It’s been said many times, you can’t do everything, but everyone can do something. And I truly believe that.
While we may find inspiration from others, nobody is our ultimate example but Christ. If we compare ourselves to others, we may feel discouraged, or even guilty. We may think, “Since she’s doing all that, but I’m only doing this, I’m not good enough.”
Comparing our opportunities to others’ opportunities can distract us from the goal: being Christlike. So let go of the pressure to make your service opportunities appear like any specific person’s and do the best you can around your own individual circumstances.
When you’re actively seeking community, you might find it in unexpected ways.
If you’re still struggling to feel part of your church community, I encourage you to think outside of the box. Not when it comes to doctrine, but in terms of who you could form a friendship with.
When we’re looking for a local church congregation, our top priority should always be finding a church that is biblically rooted and doctrinally sound. We want to be part of a church that digs into the Word of God and lives faithful to the New Testament teachings.
The reality is, although God’s plan for the church is perfect, there is no singular church congregation on earth that is “perfect.” Sometimes our personalities will clash, or we will make mistakes that affect other people. And sometimes, a church family might not look like the community you dream of at first glance.
When my husband and I first moved to Missouri, I struggled to feel like part of the community. I felt lonely because I was stuck in the “checklist friend” mindset.
I just want to meet one friend here who checks all the boxes: who lives near me, and is my age, and shares the same interests as me, and is in the same life season. And once I find this friend, I won’t feel alone anymore.
Placing extensive expectations on friendships held me back from finding community within my own local congregation for longer than I care to admit.
In time, I realized if I removed these specific stipulations for what I wanted my community to look like, then I was able to see the community that God had put me smack dab in the center of. It was within my beautiful, flourishing church family.
When we remove stipulations for finding the perfect friends, we find opportunities for community right within our reach.
I would not be the Christian I am today if it wasn’t for my local church community. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t ever wish for more in my community. I told a Titus-2-quality woman recently, I’m not lonely because I have many wonderful friends. Nor am I alone because I’m surrounded by people. But sometimes, I’m lone-ish. I still occasionally wish for friends who are closer in age or season to me.
If you’re feeling lone-ish too, then it’s time we get creative.
Ways to Creatively Find Community
There are creative ways to connect with Christian women outside of our local congregation. These women add layers to our community on top of the local friends we have.
Don’t forget about existing relationships!
You can keep in touch with friends who no longer live in the same place as you. A handwritten note or encouraging text can be so meaningful.
Ask a local friend to connect you with others.
She might know someone who has mutual interests as you. Go out as a group and get to know each other.
There are ways to cultivate community online.
There are several online spaces I have really enjoyed being part of. There’s a thriving Facebook community for Kathy Pollard and Carla Moore’s podcast, Looking Up!
I’ve also loved being part of the COCHE group for homeschooling moms who are members of the church. I love seeing other women post in this group who are in a similar season (or one ahead) than I am.
And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my own online community: the Gather in the Garden Membership.
We meet for monthly calls, we have a private discussion space, we can share photos and Bible study reflections back and forth.
The Membership is a place where I really feel connected to more women, even though we live in different places.
If you’re struggling to find a good, faithful community, I highly encourage you to consider the Gather in the Garden Membership. I would love to see you there. The garden gates will be opening again soon, and you can currently get on the waitlist right here.
Where will you find community next?
When you get a little creative and start seeking community with the intention to serve, you may find more opportunities than you ever would have expected.
I hope you’ll take this blog article to heart. Get involved with your local congregation and look for ways to connect with your Christian sisters.
If you found this blog helpful, please let me know by commenting “helpful” and then share this blog article with a friend who’s craving community.
Now that you know the truth about building community, you might be wondering, what types of friends will you find in your community? I’ve got another article, Five Types of Friends Every Christian Needs, ready for your reading. Just click right here and I’ll see you there!
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